Dos
- Avoid isolation. Organize and meet in community groups, in neighborhoods, YMCA’s and religious centers. Get together with family and friends and support each other. The understanding and support of our loved ones can help us cope with tragedy. It is crucial to validate the feelings of fear and helplessness of others. People have different ways of responding to shocking events. There is no right or wrong reaction.
- Seek professional help if your reaction feels too strong to manage on your own. Looking for help is NOT a sign of weakness !
- Keep busy and have as structured a schedule as possible to help you stay grounded.
- It is crucial to focus on your resources, anything that helps you feel calmer, stronger and more grounded. Refocus on all your support systems, whether people, activities or places. Do things that keep your mind occupied, such as watching a movie, knitting, cooking, playing with children or pets, gardening or being in nature. Be kind to yourself!
- Write down your sensations, feelings and thoughts. It has been shown that writing assists in discharging anxiety and helps to regain control.
- Get sufficient rest. Our tendency is to run on adrenaline and exhaust our bodies.
- Go outside and enjoy the sunshine / wind / rain. Get in touch with nature. Excersice is most helpful. Life moves on and you will move on in time.
- It is very important to stay ‘grounded’. If you are feeling disoriented, confused, upset and in disbelief, you can do the following exercises:
- Sit on a chair, feel your feet on the ground, press on your thighs, feel your behind on the seat, and your back supported by the chair; look around you and pick six objects that have red or blue. This should allow you to feel in the present, more grounded and in your body. Notice how your breath gets deeper and calmer. You may want to go outdoors and find a peaceful place to sit on the grass. As you do, feel how your bottom can be held and supported by the ground.
- Gently pat the different parts of your body with your hand, with a loose wrist. Your body may feel more tingling, more alive, sharp; you may feel more connected to your feelings.
- Tense your muscles, each group at a time. Hold your shoulders with arms across your chest, tighten your grip on them and pat your arms up and down. Do the same with your legs, tighten them and hold them from the outside, patting through their length. Tighten your back, tighten your front, and then gently release the tension. This may help you or your loved one feel more balanced.
- Get involved in sports - aerobics, walking or weight training relieve depression and are a channel for aggression.
- If you believe in prayer or in some sort of greater power, pray for rest for the souls of the dead, for the healing of the wounded, for strength and consolation for the grieving. Pray for peace, understanding and wisdom and for the forces of goodness to prevail. Do not give up faith in the ultimate goodness of being and keep your trust in humanity.
Don’t s
- Don’t retell your story without carefully being aware of the emotions that you are experiencing. Careful retelling will help you process your feelings without overwhelming yourself. Allow yourself to explore your emotions even if they are not pretty. Anger, rage and the desire for revenge are very natural responses to man-made traumatic events. Feel your feelings and allow your emotions to be expressed in a rational framework. It’s ok to feel angry!
- Don’t blame yourself for negative feelings, but make sure your actions are positive and productive.
And last, just know that we humans are extremely resilient and have been able to recuperate from the most horrendous tragedies. Furthermore through the process of healing, we have the possibility to be transformed by and to learn from our traumas.
What to do